Bedroom Eyes

Imagine walking down a crowded street or through your favorite night spot when you look up and see a guy — not just any guy, but the one that grabs your attention. As you stare at him, drinking him in with your eyes, he briefly turns his head and your eyes meet. In that split second of eye contact, everything else in the rooms disappears as you both share an intense but fleeting moment of connection. The cascade of emotions and hope can often build to a point of overload where one of you has to look away because it’s too intense. Sound familiar? The amount of communication and emotions that can happen in a split second of eye contact should tell you how powerful a gaze can be. It’s important to remember that the moment was probably as intense for him as it was for you.

Whoever said the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach must have been blind. Every time I have seduced or been seduced reading and communicating with the eyes has played a significant part and I don’t think the subject has been covered enough in seduction writings. Here are a few of my observations about eye communication.

First, eyes tend to leap out at you. When you make eye contact with someone your attentions tends to narrow and most of your peripheral vision disappears from your mind’s eye. Oddly enough this is a syndrome that army snipers have to watch out for. When they look at someone through a magnified scope they can easily overfocus on the eyes, lose situational awareness, and fail to pay attention to other things going on in their field of vision. You can use this to your advantage in seduction. Think about the amount of things going on in most night spots. Your target is presented with a thousand distractions, and by making eye contact with him, you can allow him to instantly filter out everything but you. In the book the Red Queen by Matt Ridley, there is a section where he discusses the various reasons that female peahens find the tail plumes of male peacocks so seductive, and one of the major theories is that the eye patterns on the tail feathers have a hypnotic effect on females and cause them to focus solely on them.

In most primates, males stop “displaying” or trying to attract female attention and begin courting with a particular type of eye contact from the female. This isn’t something you have to practice – it’s probably a behavior you’re doing naturally. First, the woman smiles at her admirer and lifts her eyebrows in a swift, jerky motion as she opens her eyes wide to gaze at him. Then she drops her eyelids, tilts her head down and to the side, and looks away. Then both male and female will begin staring at each other and looking away when the other reciprocates the glance. The looking away is a “displacement gesture” to relieve anxiety. After a few rounds of this, they will usually (or hopefully) return each other’s gaze at the same time. Often times the anxiety is too great or the admirer will be distracted and the courtship is cut off before completion. You can gain an advantage by reciprocating his contact sooner. Some seductionists recommend never breaking eye contact once established, and I tend to agree, but only as long as the target reciprocates your gaze. If he does look away briefly look away yourself before reciprocating again. If not it can look a little creepy. Think of how it would look if a man did that to you; you may feel he was leering.

On the subject of extended eye contact I would also recommend making exaggerated blinks with your eye lids. If you’ve been holding eye contact and wish to gesture for him to come closer slowly blink and when you’re lids open look at the closest chair or space near you. Men have a subconscious alarm about women who don’t blink — we tend to think it’s a sign that they’re crazy or neurotic.

Remember to watch eyes closely. One of the biggest indicators that you are triggering attraction is watching for dilation of the pupils. Sometimes in dark night spots this can be hard to notice because everyone’s eyes are already dilated from the low light. Also, it’s not that their eyes are constantly dilated; it’s that they dilate for a few seconds when you spike someone’s attraction. The dilation usually occurs a second or two after you say or do something they find attractive and only stays for a few seconds, but as attraction builds they will stay dilated longer. If someone’s eyes stay dilated for five to ten seconds, it’s a sign you’ve done more than spike their attraction. Build the tempo of your eye contact — the longer a gaze is held, the longer the emotional feeling they will have and you’ll see by how long their eyes dilate.

Also watch the direction and eye movement. Another good indicator that they are interested in you is that they let their eyes linger. This is one of the easiest eye cues to spot. Also if their eyes travel from your eyes to your lips and back this is an indicator that they want you to kiss them. Another easy one to spot is a vertical scan. If a man scans up or down your body with his eyes theirs a really good chance he’s into you. If you’re talking to someone and their eyes start scanning left to right it may mean you’re losing them especially if the movement is rapid their probably looking for an excuse to end the conversation so change your tactics. Also if they start staring at something else for an extended time, take the hint — you’re boring them — and start saying something interesting.

Conversely your target responds to your eye dilation whether they know it or not, so here are a few tricks for dilating your eyes. Communication expert and author Leil Lowndes recommends staring at the feature on their face you find most attractive and continue to stare at it. I personally try to think about sex to dilate my pupils.

If you do a lot of push-pull seduction (spiking attraction and then breaking rapport), try staring at his eyes until you see dilation, and then begin staring at his eyebrows. Do this several times until he is trying to “earn” you. When you stare at someone’s eyebrows it feels to them like there is no connection or you’re staring through them. Try it out with a friend — have them look you in the eyes and then have them look at your eyebrows. It really makes a huge difference.

Eyelids are obvious. If someone’s eyes are open wide, it tells you they are excited about something so if you’re feigning interest really make your eyes pop. Also for classic bedroom eyes just relax the muscles around your eyes and let your lids lower. You can call a lot of attention to your eyes with good eyelashes. It’s one of those things that most guys won’t even realize they notice, but good eyelashes definitely have an effect.

The eyes also communicate a lot more than you think they do and you can also use your targets eye direction to help communicate with them. Those of you familiar with Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) probably have some understanding of eye accessing cues. The eyes will tend to travel to a different vector when accessing different parts of the cognitive mind. You have to calibrate a little but most right handed people will follow the same pattern. If someone is conceptualizing or creating a visual image, their eyes will go up and to the left. If they are recalling a visual memory, their eyes will go up and to the right. If someone is conceptualizing or creating an auditory event or conversation, their eyes will usually travel to the left, and if they are recalling the memory of a sound or conversation, their eyes will travel to the right. If someone is recalling or conceptualizing something kinesthetic (feeling) or emotional, their eyes will travel down and left. When someone is having internal dialogue their eyes will go down and right. When reading someone’s eye accessing cues it’s rarely that cut and dry, usually their eyes will travel to a few different vectors before speaking but once you’ve been doing it for a while you can spot definite spikes where their eyes lock. In my experience, the last place their eyes lock before saying something or reacting is the most definitive eye accessing cue. Internal dialogue is not your friend during seduction — if their eyes go down and right often it means that their internal defenses are kicking into high gear.

The opposite is also true; if you direct eyes to different vectors, they will tend to have stronger responses. If you are trying to get them to feel an emotion or body sensation, make a gesture that directs their eyes down and left. If you want them to imagine how things could be rather then recall an unpleasant memory of a time when love didn’t work out, try to direct their eyes to left. If they are a visual person, direct them up and left. If you are trying to get them to remember a pleasant memory or regress them, direct their eyes to the right.

I hope this is a good primer on eye contact for some of you. Eyes do a lot of weird and unexpected things, so get in the habit of watching them and see what you can pick up.


Speed Dating 101

At our last Sirens class one of the students asked us for a few tips and tricks that she could put into use at a speed dating event she was going to the next weekend. The way the event is set up it gives you five minutes with 12 different men. So Arden and I took a few seconds and thought about ways to compress some of our techniques into a few minutes. I tend not to believe in canned material but a speed dating scenario things move so quickly that having a few routines on hand seems to be your best bet.

Remember in speed dating most people are so focused on retelling their life story in a four minutes that they lose sight to the present. There is a good chance that if your funny and even a little goofy you will be remembered a lot longer than the person who goes on about her job, family, the drama at her yoga class or how smart her cat is.

The criteria I came up with for speed dating material is simple.
1. It has to be fun because the pace is so quick and its to short a time span for slowly building interest.
2. It has to set a frame of commodity dynamic right of the bat. If you don’t start out in control of the frame you won’t have enough time to take it back so you be better be first to frame the conversation.
3. You have to keeping your dates present. When speed dating people they are usually to focused on rattleing of their dating resume to pay attention to the other person so you want to pace their experience and then start leading.

A few examples of what we came up with.
When a date sites down if he looks nervous pat his hand and say “don’t worry your in good hands, I’ve done this before” The beauty of this is that it paces both of your realities by creating a subtext that says this is awkward for both of us but follow my lead and it will be fun and masks it as humor.

If he starts asking questions first and starts in on the standard “so what do you do for a living” question pull him back to the present moment and by saying “I don’t want to talk about work Im more interested in knowing what you’re thinking right now.” Your quickly recapturing the frame and pulling his attention back to his current experience.

As soon as you make eye contact light heartedly say “you can’t give me a look like that and not tell me what its all about” It creates a presupposition that he is reacting to you and begins eliciting information from him. This is classic hoop theory.

If he asks you a standard speed dating question jokingly say “I don’t like that question ask me a better one.” Classic social violation theory.

We had a lot of fun coming up with a bunch more ideas. Speed dating creates some interesting parameters to work in. Give it a try some time and see what you can come up with on the fly that meets the three criteria.



Hi Im James Cash one of the cofounders of Sirens a seduction coaching company for women. Ardenne Leigh and I started Sirens as a response to the male pickup communities. The pickup communities stated when a bunch of bright fellows on the internet where wondering why they spent all their time talking to each other on line instead of meeting women and dating like the rest of society. They began studying psychology in an attempt to see what triggered attraction in females and to see if they could come up with strategies and tactics that would make them more desirable to women. What they came up with was nothing short of remarkable because they had decoded female attraction, made systematic ways of exploiting it and most importantly because it worked. As the communities grew in numbers so did their knowledge base.

Any one who’s worked around the adult industry knows that there are also systematic ways of triggering attraction in men. Its common place in the adult industry where exotic dancers, domminatices and escorts have been doing it for years but it was never as organized or recorded for posterity sake. For the years that I had my club I began not only recording what worked but also researching to find out why it worked. As I began this project I found that wealth of scientific data existed on the subject of seduction and attraction but no one ever really converted the research into strategies and tactics that the average woman can use like the pick up communities have done for men. I’ve spent the last several years not only researching seduction but also consulting and coaching people from a wide range of the adult industry on how to apply it to their business. Most woman don’t have access to this kind of knowledge and instead women are left with trite advice columns telling them to get a new little black dress (the cliché LBD) and spice up their sex lives with candles and whipped cream. Aside from making you look like every other woman in the bar, creating a fire hazard and risking a yeast infection this kind of advice dose nothing to help you find real romance. Ardenne and I set out to make this type of training available to “civilian” (non adult industry) women.

The reasons that many woman can benefit from this are simple. First having a great love life wont make the rest of your life perfect but having a bad love life or no love life at all will certainly add its own type of poverty to even the richest life. Second as many women are climbing the career ladder they have less and less time to devote to romantic pursuits so anything they can do to speed up the time it takes to attract, connect with and maintain a fulfilling relationship can give them a huge advantage. Third if you admire someone in your life who doesn’t seem to notice you romantically having a new set of skills to real him into your web can help you finely land the one that got away. Forth if your relationship is out of your control and he seems to be calling all the shots there are a number of ways to get it back under control so you are getting what you want out of the relationship.

If your interested in our classes please go to our meetup group to stay informed on upcoming events.

I’ll also be posting tips and tricks on this blog periodically.


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