Bedroom Eyes

Imagine walking down a crowded street or through your favorite night spot when you look up and see a guy — not just any guy, but the one that grabs your attention. As you stare at him, drinking him in with your eyes, he briefly turns his head and your eyes meet. In that split second of eye contact, everything else in the rooms disappears as you both share an intense but fleeting moment of connection. The cascade of emotions and hope can often build to a point of overload where one of you has to look away because it’s too intense. Sound familiar? The amount of communication and emotions that can happen in a split second of eye contact should tell you how powerful a gaze can be. It’s important to remember that the moment was probably as intense for him as it was for you.

Whoever said the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach must have been blind. Every time I have seduced or been seduced reading and communicating with the eyes has played a significant part and I don’t think the subject has been covered enough in seduction writings. Here are a few of my observations about eye communication.

First, eyes tend to leap out at you. When you make eye contact with someone your attentions tends to narrow and most of your peripheral vision disappears from your mind’s eye. Oddly enough this is a syndrome that army snipers have to watch out for. When they look at someone through a magnified scope they can easily overfocus on the eyes, lose situational awareness, and fail to pay attention to other things going on in their field of vision. You can use this to your advantage in seduction. Think about the amount of things going on in most night spots. Your target is presented with a thousand distractions, and by making eye contact with him, you can allow him to instantly filter out everything but you. In the book the Red Queen by Matt Ridley, there is a section where he discusses the various reasons that female peahens find the tail plumes of male peacocks so seductive, and one of the major theories is that the eye patterns on the tail feathers have a hypnotic effect on females and cause them to focus solely on them.

In most primates, males stop “displaying” or trying to attract female attention and begin courting with a particular type of eye contact from the female. This isn’t something you have to practice – it’s probably a behavior you’re doing naturally. First, the woman smiles at her admirer and lifts her eyebrows in a swift, jerky motion as she opens her eyes wide to gaze at him. Then she drops her eyelids, tilts her head down and to the side, and looks away. Then both male and female will begin staring at each other and looking away when the other reciprocates the glance. The looking away is a “displacement gesture” to relieve anxiety. After a few rounds of this, they will usually (or hopefully) return each other’s gaze at the same time. Often times the anxiety is too great or the admirer will be distracted and the courtship is cut off before completion. You can gain an advantage by reciprocating his contact sooner. Some seductionists recommend never breaking eye contact once established, and I tend to agree, but only as long as the target reciprocates your gaze. If he does look away briefly look away yourself before reciprocating again. If not it can look a little creepy. Think of how it would look if a man did that to you; you may feel he was leering.

On the subject of extended eye contact I would also recommend making exaggerated blinks with your eye lids. If you’ve been holding eye contact and wish to gesture for him to come closer slowly blink and when you’re lids open look at the closest chair or space near you. Men have a subconscious alarm about women who don’t blink — we tend to think it’s a sign that they’re crazy or neurotic.

Remember to watch eyes closely. One of the biggest indicators that you are triggering attraction is watching for dilation of the pupils. Sometimes in dark night spots this can be hard to notice because everyone’s eyes are already dilated from the low light. Also, it’s not that their eyes are constantly dilated; it’s that they dilate for a few seconds when you spike someone’s attraction. The dilation usually occurs a second or two after you say or do something they find attractive and only stays for a few seconds, but as attraction builds they will stay dilated longer. If someone’s eyes stay dilated for five to ten seconds, it’s a sign you’ve done more than spike their attraction. Build the tempo of your eye contact — the longer a gaze is held, the longer the emotional feeling they will have and you’ll see by how long their eyes dilate.

Also watch the direction and eye movement. Another good indicator that they are interested in you is that they let their eyes linger. This is one of the easiest eye cues to spot. Also if their eyes travel from your eyes to your lips and back this is an indicator that they want you to kiss them. Another easy one to spot is a vertical scan. If a man scans up or down your body with his eyes theirs a really good chance he’s into you. If you’re talking to someone and their eyes start scanning left to right it may mean you’re losing them especially if the movement is rapid their probably looking for an excuse to end the conversation so change your tactics. Also if they start staring at something else for an extended time, take the hint — you’re boring them — and start saying something interesting.

Conversely your target responds to your eye dilation whether they know it or not, so here are a few tricks for dilating your eyes. Communication expert and author Leil Lowndes recommends staring at the feature on their face you find most attractive and continue to stare at it. I personally try to think about sex to dilate my pupils.

If you do a lot of push-pull seduction (spiking attraction and then breaking rapport), try staring at his eyes until you see dilation, and then begin staring at his eyebrows. Do this several times until he is trying to “earn” you. When you stare at someone’s eyebrows it feels to them like there is no connection or you’re staring through them. Try it out with a friend — have them look you in the eyes and then have them look at your eyebrows. It really makes a huge difference.

Eyelids are obvious. If someone’s eyes are open wide, it tells you they are excited about something so if you’re feigning interest really make your eyes pop. Also for classic bedroom eyes just relax the muscles around your eyes and let your lids lower. You can call a lot of attention to your eyes with good eyelashes. It’s one of those things that most guys won’t even realize they notice, but good eyelashes definitely have an effect.

The eyes also communicate a lot more than you think they do and you can also use your targets eye direction to help communicate with them. Those of you familiar with Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) probably have some understanding of eye accessing cues. The eyes will tend to travel to a different vector when accessing different parts of the cognitive mind. You have to calibrate a little but most right handed people will follow the same pattern. If someone is conceptualizing or creating a visual image, their eyes will go up and to the left. If they are recalling a visual memory, their eyes will go up and to the right. If someone is conceptualizing or creating an auditory event or conversation, their eyes will usually travel to the left, and if they are recalling the memory of a sound or conversation, their eyes will travel to the right. If someone is recalling or conceptualizing something kinesthetic (feeling) or emotional, their eyes will travel down and left. When someone is having internal dialogue their eyes will go down and right. When reading someone’s eye accessing cues it’s rarely that cut and dry, usually their eyes will travel to a few different vectors before speaking but once you’ve been doing it for a while you can spot definite spikes where their eyes lock. In my experience, the last place their eyes lock before saying something or reacting is the most definitive eye accessing cue. Internal dialogue is not your friend during seduction — if their eyes go down and right often it means that their internal defenses are kicking into high gear.

The opposite is also true; if you direct eyes to different vectors, they will tend to have stronger responses. If you are trying to get them to feel an emotion or body sensation, make a gesture that directs their eyes down and left. If you want them to imagine how things could be rather then recall an unpleasant memory of a time when love didn’t work out, try to direct their eyes to left. If they are a visual person, direct them up and left. If you are trying to get them to remember a pleasant memory or regress them, direct their eyes to the right.

I hope this is a good primer on eye contact for some of you. Eyes do a lot of weird and unexpected things, so get in the habit of watching them and see what you can pick up.


  • Archives

  • Catagories

  • RSS Arden Leighs Blog

    • Captain's Log, 4.14.18
      #tbt #2014, to a simpler time. I had this photo taken four years ago, in a time before I had any inkling of the unconscious programming that was due for a deconstruction. photo by Brian Richards, who gave me exactly what I was asking for at the time This version of me didn't have the stresses of making her own decisions, because she felt that if she was […]
    • The New Man is Feminine
      Grown-ass men are tapped into their feminine. There is a lot of truly amazing masculine energy to be drawn from the feminine collective right now. The feminine has been taking care of everyone for so long that she's become incredibly good at being responsible and independent. She is wildly, multidimensionally competent. So right now, the man who becomes […]
    • I Love You and The Holy Trinity
      This is an idea essentially rephrased from an Alan Watts talk, but it bears articulating in this manner: The sentence "I love you" contains the Holy Trinity. The sentence is made up of subject, object, and verb, so there you have a triad - the lover, the beloved, and the love that defines them. I = the Son = the Divine Masculine Love = the Father = […]
    • Embodiment and The Velveteen Rabbit
      I stayed over with friends in San Diego Friday night, which means I left Virgil by himself with some extra food for about 36 hours. When I returned home, he seemed a little punky - he was sleeping by the radiator by the window and he just seemed lighter and weaker than usual. His nose was snotty, his purr was barely audible, he didn't seem to want to cu […]
    • Cooking and Energetic Sensitivity
      All week I have not been able to stop thinking about rustic sourdough grilled cheese sandwiches paired with creamy tomato basil soup and how badly I want to make them both for a loved one on a rainy day, just the ultimate in comfort food, maybe we could also be in a cozy cabin in the PNW. Sometimes I tune in to the energetic signature of a thing and I just w […]
  • Calendar

    • April 2018
      M T W T F S S
      « Jul    
  • Search